Beijing - a low point

It’s day 13, and I think we’ve hit the lowest point so far. We’re sat in McDonalds with our second hot chocolate in a row, being stared at by every single person in the ‘restaurant’. Both of us are desperate for the toilet, however I queued for 15 mins earlier, only to find that the only functioning toilet was a squatty with a cow pat in the middle, walls decorated by used sanitary towels, and a stench that makes me want to get my backside on a plane home right now.


I admit, perhaps this is a slight over-reaction to one poorly- cleaned toilet, however it’s been building pretty much since we arrived. We thought at first the staring may be due to our matching bags and coats – which are pretty snappy (the situation didn’t improve any when we bought matching bobble hats), however it turns out, even stripped down to the non-matching elements of our wardrobe, that we are still more interesting than all of the animals in Beijing zoo AND the terracotta warriors! In fact, my quote of the day from Loz is, ‘Jesus, there’s a UNESCO world heritage site behind you and you’re looking at us?!’ We’ve been stared at, photographed, videoed, pointed at, laughed at, spat at... in fact we’re thinking of charging for all of the above. I never thought I’d make money selling my body, but in China anything is possible. Seriously though, we are fed up, and can’t wait to get out.

The other phenomenon is the dirt. I am astounded at how I can clean my nails, then touch nothing (even have my gloves on), and the next time I look, they’re filthy again. It’s incredible! Alcohol doesn’t even touch it. I gelled my hands five times in a row this morning, and they still felt gross. The spitting is also the most vile thing I’ve ever encountered. Everyone spits everywhere – even inside, even in eating-places. But it’s not just a polite ‘hu-tu’, it’s a ‘ghauuuauauauauauuauuauauauauauauauauach tu’ – the noise you might expect someone with a serious lung infection to come up with. It’s nasty.

I hasten to add, we’re currently very tired, and grumpy due to sharing an over train with what sounded like a small dinosaur - ‘Dino-snore-ass’ as Loz dubbed him, kept us awake with his constant snore-gurgling most of the night. We’re also getting the train back tonight, and are looking forward to the same rigmarole. So China, in our grumpiness we say this – ‘Yes, we’re white. Yes we match. We do not apologise for this. Now stop pointing and laughing, or at least be more subtle about it. Grr.’

That said we have enjoyed seeing the warriors – I personally am not convinced it’s worth the £90 for the trains, however they were interesting, and there’s only one way to find out these things. We also thought the pandas were very cute. The best thing so far though was the acrobats by a long way. They were incredible!

Oh my god yes! I think that show is one of the best things I’ve ever seen in my life. We couldn’t believe some of the things they were doing – 12 people on one bicycle, diablo’s flying through the air, little girls who looked about 7 being thrown around like raggy dolls and landing on people’s shoulders. The whole show was completely breathtaking and I would definitely go back to see it again without hesitation. It kicked off with the whole troupe on stage for the ‘opening ceremony’ or something. They have these giant TV screens at the side with the title on telling you who it is and what they’re doing. They had other acts including glass balancing contortionists, an umbrella juggler and a slack rope walker, amazing rope spinning (bit like a lassoo but with lights on each end – much more dangerous), people balancing bowls on their head or gripping with their feet while they’re thrown from person to person, girls with bicycles who’d do tricks whilst still managing to ride round in a circle and culminating in all 12 girls being on one bike whilst it was still going round in a circle.. I’m sure I’m forgetting things but there were so many that as soon as you’d seen one fab thing something else distracted you. Anyway, I think we’re both agreed that it was absolutely fantastic and I think if it ever comes to London I’ll definitely be checking it out.  I think we’ll go again in Hong Kong if the opportunity arises in fact.